4 ways to be more assertive

Assertiveness is a great communication skill to have, especially for those in or wanting to be in leadership positions. The challenge, however, is finding the balance between being too pushy and coming across as weak or insecure.

Keep in mind that assertiveness is not the same as aggressiveness. Assertive individuals can express themselves confidently and effectively to achieve results while still being considerate of others’ needs and feelings.

Why you should be assertive

By practicing assertiveness you can improve confidence in yourself and your abilities, communicate more effectively (whether it be in general or in a conflict), become a better leader, and even improve positive relationships with your peers and colleagues.

Try incorporating these techniques to develop or build on your assertiveness skills.

More than words

Communication isn’t just verbal! Below are simple ways you can appear confident to others. By incorporating these techniques, you can change the way others perceive you before you even speak.

  • Maintain eye contact in conversation
  • Stand tall and straight
  • Wear the right outfit (depending on your environment)
  • Have relaxed arms, hands, and gestures
  • Have friendly or relaxed facial expressions

Practice makes improvement

Much like any skill, it takes practice to develop. Assertiveness can be intimidating at first, so practice honing this skill in low-risk situations. Some situations to try:

  • Speak up and tell a friend you’d rather have a night at home instead of going out.
  • Let your partner know you won’t be able to run an errand for them. Try doing this without giving an unnecessary backstory.
  • If you’re feeling overwhelmed with work, schedule a chat with your manager to see what can be offloaded from your list.

Try role-playing different scenarios with a trusted friend or colleague that will give you honest feedback.

Mind your ‘ums’ and ‘uhs’

Try recording yourself to hear how you speak. Listen for filler words such as “um”, “uh”, or “like” and if you’re talking too quickly. This can signal to others that you’re uncomfortable or nervous. To help, try practicing your speaking points beforehand, whether it be with a friend or by yourself using a mirror.

Use the assertiveness formula

Follow this three-part formula to get your point across:

  1. Simply and objectively state what happened (or what another person has done). For example, “When you’re late to the office…”
  2. Explain the problem it’s causing you – the cause and effect. For example, “When you’re late to the office, I have to handle your calls.”
  3. Lastly, mention what you need to happen. For example, “I need you to arrive on time.”

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